Of Princes, Scarecrows, and Pirates
by sharingank
Summary: Masquerade, anyone? It's official: there's going to be a costume party in Konoha! Will Shikamaru, our reluctant hero, survive such an ordeal? Hold on, Shika! It's going to be a crazy ride! COMPLETE! YAHOO!
1. Seeing Green

**author blurb:**

Sheesh..I must have been bitten by the ShikaIno bug, because the ideas are coming faster than I can write them! I was walking my dog when the idea for this little story came to mind, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it would only work in chaper form...in case you couldn't tell, I am a big fan of oneshots, but hell, I figure I need to expand my horizons a bit, eh? Please let me know what you think...pwease pwease? Okay, enough babble...on with the fic!

**

* * *

****Chapter 1: Seeing Green**

* * *

The days were growing colder now that fall was here, leaves on the trees changing brilliant shades of red and orange and yellow before falling one by one to the ground. Rosy-faced children ran through the streets, laughing and jumping in the piles of leaves, scattering them to and fro. Shikamaru loved to take lazy strolls outside during the fall, admiring the subtle beauty as the brisk wind whipped at his face. Before he and Ino had married he usually walked alone, but now that they were happily settled, she had taken to accompanying him on these little excursions, which drastically changed his outlook. Everything seemed so much more alive with her tiny hand laced through his, all the sights, sounds, and smells magnified tenfold.

Married life, he decided, suited him. The fits of grumpiness that he was prone to started appearing at less frequent intervals, and, in recent months, he found that his temperament was actually becoming...cheerful. It was hard not to be, having Ino as his wife. A voice in the back of his head told him the reason for his immaculate attitude adjustment was that he was growing as soft as his father, but Shikamaru deliberately tuned it out. Dwelling on such a fact would only cause unneeded stress.

On this particular day, the sun was shining, the leaves falling, and the children playing, but there was definitely something ominous in the air. Ino had declined his invitation to walk with him yet again, claiming that she had something she needed to get done. She had been acting very mysterious the past few weeks, closing herself up in the study next to their bedroom and not emerging again for hours. Come to think of it, whenever he asked her about what she was doing, she always brushed his inquiries aside and deftly changed the subject. Shikamaru's brow furrowed. His curiosity was positively brimming, and he found that he couldn't enjoy the walk any longer because of it. Doubling back in the direction of his house, Shikamaru decided that it was time to get to the bottom of all this secrecy.

He felt very much like a snoop when he walked through his front door, taking extra care to be sure that his footsteps barely whispered across the floor. If Ino even had the vaguest hint that he was there, then this self- appointed 'mission' would be over before it even began. Poking his head around the corner where the stairs met the hallway, he scanned the area. It was clear. On tiptoe, he proceeded to make his way slowly but steadily down the hall. He decided to try the lower level of the house first before checking the study, in case she had decided upon a change of scenery. There was no sign of her, so returned to the stairs, taking them two at a time. As he had suspected, the door to the study was closed. Pressing his ear against the door, he heard a faint humming noise that would most likely be produced by a sewing machine.

The sewing machine was a recent addition to their household appliances, Ino having convinced Shikamaru that it was practical to have one, since his profession left his clothing in a constant state of disrepair. She delighted in mending things for him; whenever her eyes took on a dreamy cast, he knew that as an indication that she was about to rifle through his dresser in search of anything that needed fixing. However, he did not have so large a wardrobe that Ino would need to spend countless hours laboring over it, and so he tossed the idea that that was what she was doing. No, she was up to something far more complicated, he was sure. Before he could ponder the subject further, the door opened, and he found his support was no longer there. Ino stepped gracefully out of the way when Shikamaru tumbled headfirst into the room, her perfectly arched eyebrows raised.

"Playing detective, eh?" Ino said, suppressed mirth evident in her face. "You're not very good at it, I'm afraid." Truth be told, Ino had no idea that he had been standing there, opening the door by chance to go and get something to eat, but there was no reason for him to know that.

"Oof," was all he could reply, to the sound of Ino's vibrant laughter. Instead of helping him up like a good wife would have, she stepped over him and returned to her seat by a folding-table that she'd set up to hold the sewing machine, smiling sweetly as she did so. "Did you have a nice walk?" She asked, turning the machine on and feeding a piece of hunter green material through it, her foot on the pedal that controlled the speed of the needle.

Shikamaru, now more than a little irritated, peeled himself off of the ground and sat cross-legged, staring moodily up at her. She could have at least made some show of scolding him for prying into her secret, but instead she was the picture of contentment. _I probably could have come in here at any time, and she wouldn't have made a_ _fuss_, he thought, making him feel all the more surly about the whole thing. She had just taken all the fun out of it. "No. As a matter of fact, I didn't."

"Be nice," she chided absently, biting her lip in concentration as the needle weaved in and out of the fabric.

For some reason, that made him even more infuriated. "That's all the reaction I get? _Be nice_?"

"You were bound to find out sooner or later," she replied, and a piece of hair fell in her face, which she blew aside. "Now shoo. You'll only distract me."

_Shoo_? He was most definitely _not_ going to shoo! "What is that?" He asked, motioning to the shapeless green mass she was working with.

"Your costume, of course," she said, looking down at him with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

Shikamaru felt the weight of impending doom settle on his chest. He did not like the sound of that. At all.

"My...costume?"

"Well, yes, silly. You can't go to the masquerade without a costume."

At the word _masquerade_ all the color drained from Shikamaru's face. In other words, they were going to a fancy party. In public. Which meant that there would be dancing, and socializing, and ample opportunities for Shikamaru to make a complete idiot out of himself. "And when, exactly, were you planning on telling me about this?" He said very calmly, and was proud of himself for that.

"Oh, I would have gotten around to it eventually, dear."

Shikamaru blinked, shuddering to think of what her definition of eventually was. That still left this business of the green nightmare that was supposed to be a costume.

"It's a _tunic_, Shika. It'll look much better when I'm finished with it, I promise."

That was all very well and good, but it still didn't answer the real question. He had no idea what he was supposed to be going as.

"You mean, I never told you? How careless of me," she said, eyes large, trying very hard to keep the laugher from her voice. "I am going to be a princess, which means that you are going to be—"

"A prince," he finished dejectedly, having correctly interpreted the direction she was going.

"Why the long face?" Ino turned off the machine and knelt in front of him. "A princess _has_ to have her prince, after all." She grinned, patted his head as if he were a dog, and produced a roll of measuring tape seemingly out of thin air. "Now that you're here, you may as well let me measure you. I think I have the basics down, but it can't hurt to be sure."

Shikamaru sighed one of his characteristic sighs, utterly defeated. He was trapped in a corner, and even his cleverness couldn't get him out of it.


	2. Horrid Hats and Dancing Lessons

Hey guys! So, here is the second chapter...My updates should be pretty frequent, so be on the lookout! Thank you so much for reviewing :huggles: I think this chapter thing could become addicting...

**

* * *

****Chapter 2: Horrid Hats and Dancing Lessons**

* * *

Shikamaru stood perfectly still, fearing for his very life. The hunter green tunic was on, but pins stuck out of it at every angle, just threatening to stab him if he even so much as twitched. His wife hummed to herself as she fussed over him, more of the dreaded pins in her mouth. In any other situation, Shikamaru would have thought that Ino looked absolutely adorable, but, seeing as how she was the cause of his extreme discomfort, he thought she more closely resembled a tiny blonde devil than a human being. Worse, she couldn't have cared less. She was so absorbed in turning him into the dashing prince charming of fairytales that nothing he said or did would have any effect. It didn't matter that he was utterly miserable, or that the idea of going to a party made his blood run cold. He was going, whether he liked it or not. Period.

After all of the pins were in place, Ino stepped back to admire her work, the measuring tape that had become like another appendage draped about her neck. "Oh, don't you look precious!" She squealed, her hands on her cheeks like a lovesick schoolgirl. She began giggling madly, and Shikamaru wanted nothing more but to crawl into a hole and die. Did she just refer to him as..._precious_? Granted, he'd never been a very looks- conscious kind of guy, but he didn't particularly care for the idea of being seen as _precious_. That was the type of name one would call a two-year old little girl, not a twenty-four year old man!

"Ino," he said quietly, his eyebrow beginning to twitch. "Please tell me that you did not just call me precious. Please."

Ino laughed, patting his cheek fondly. "I was only kidding, Shika," she said, still laughing. "You are the epitome of esteemed manhood." He glared at her, which only made her laugh harder. "I'm serious! Besides, your appearance is going to reflect on _mine_. I can't be seen with a prince who's not up to par with my beauteousness, now can I?" Winking, she kissed him, and started the arduous task of getting the tunic off of him intact.

"Wait! Ino!" He protested, the tunic halfway over his head. "Can't I just get one little look?"

"No!" Ino replied, her nimble fingers continuing their work, being careful to avoid the pins. "Not until it's finished. There!" The tunic was off, and he could breathe again. No longer confined to the study, he bolted, knowing that it was best to get himself as far out of range of the measuring tape and pins as possible.

Ino watched him go, a wicked smile on her face. She had a very long arm, and if she happened to need him again later on, there was no place that he could hide where she couldn't reach him.

The next day was a positively joyful day in the Nara household. Shikamaru's costume was finally complete, and he was enduring his last fitting with what could be described as jubilation. No more pins, no more measuring tape, no more poking and prodding...the thought was almost too exciting to bear. He allowed Ino to straighten his collar and tug at his sleeves and breeches without complaint, having survived the more torturous ordeal of actually getting to this point. He would rather have his head shaved than go through _that_ again.

When she was satisfied, Ino allowed Shikamaru to turn and examine himself in the antique life-sized mirror that stood in the corner of the study. A prince stared back at him. Ino hadn't lied when she said the tunic would look better when she finished it: it was belted at the waist and fit him perfectly, as did the cream colored shirt with full sleeves buttoned at the wrist that he wore beneath it. His breeches and soft leather boots were black, the golden buckles of the boots matching the one on his belt.

All in all, Shikamaru was quite pleased with his appearance, surprisingly enough. He could almost see how easy it would be to get into character while wearing such a costume, and tried various princely poses before the mirror, always checking over his shoulder to make sure his wife was not in range. She had stepped out while he had been examining himself, and there was still no sign of her. Maybe he was making mountains out of molehills about this masquerade business. He was just about to concede that he might actually enjoy himself when Ino returned, carrying the most outlandish hat that he had ever seen. It too was hunter green, with a wide brim, a lone feather sticking out at a jaunty angle from the top. In horror, he realized that Ino actually intended for him to wear the thing, and all of his previous delusions about having a good time went right out the window.

"I am NOT wearing that, Ino," he said, staring at the hat as if it were the Plague. "And you can't make me, either." He crossed his arms over his chest, determined not to give way like he usually did. "So don't even _try_."

Ino employed a very nasty tactic then. She knew that Shikamaru could not stand to see her cry, and so let her eyes well up. "But, I went through so much trouble to find it for you. Don't you appreciate me?" The tears spilled down her cheeks, and Shikamaru's eyes went wide, his jaw going slack.

"No! I mean, yes! I never said that! I _do_ appreciate you!" He was losing, and he knew it. "Ino! That isn't fair! I don't _want_ to wear it," he whined like a child, backing away slowly as Ino advanced on him with the dreaded hat. "It won't fit over my hair," he said quickly, willing to try any idea, no matter how shaky, to keep from getting the hat shoved on his head.

Of course, Ino solved _that_ little problem by reaching forward and undoing the tie that held it up, his hair tumbling down his shoulders and in his face. Before he could do anything else, the hat was on, Ino giving him a look that basically said, "If you even _think_ of taking it off, you'll regret it." Her face broke into a smile then, and she started cooing over him. "That's absolutely perfect! You look adorable! Oh, just wait until everyone sees you!" She turned him around again so that he could view his reflection, and he made a face.

"I look like an idiot."

"You do not!"

"I do too!"

"You're wearing it."

"No!"

"YES!" Ino glared at him. "Do you _really_ want to argue with me again?"

Shikamaru pondered that. "No."

"Then it's final. The hat adds to the costume. It makes it look more elegant."

Shikamaru was about to make a snide comment, but thought the better of it, saying instead, "I think I'm going to go find a sharp knife and kill myself."

"Just not in the house, dear. Blood stains are impossible to get out."

Shikamaru left his house soon after, muttering under his breath about women, and how they were all menaces. He decided to pay a call on the 6th Hokage, whose bright idea it was to hold the masquerade in the first place. There were plenty of things that he wanted to say to Naruto, none of them being kind. When he reached the Hokage's domain, he banged on the door rather rudely, not caring if he interrupted anything. If Naruto could turn Shikamaru's life upside down, he didn't see why the favor couldn't be returned. A few seconds later the door slid open, Sakura's pink-haired head poking out.

"Shika?" She said, surprised to see him. From the looks of things, she concluded that Ino probably sprung the hat on him, and bit back a laugh. Sakura had been in on the scheme, naturally, being Ino's best friend.

"Is Naruto around? I have some things I want to talk to him about."

Sakura grinned, stepping aside for Shikamaru to enter. "He's in the practice room with Neiji and Lee. They're playing with katanas, so watch out. Their skills are...not very good yet, and even that's being nice."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. _This should be interesting_. When he reached the practice room, he could hear laughter and the metallic clang of swords coming together, and slid the door open. Lee and Naruto were attempting to fight each other, while Neiji stood off to the side, wincing as the swords jarred. He caught sight of Shikamaru and grinned, waving him over.

"Decided to join in on the madness?" He said, clapping Shikamaru on the shoulder. Naruto and Lee noticed that they had a new visitor, and decided to call it quits.

"Hey Shikamaru! What are you doing here?" Naruto asked as he and Lee joined them, slinging an arm around Shikamaru's shoulders. Lee smiled knowingly.

"Probably getting away from Ino," he said, wiping sweaty hair out of his face.

"Bingo," Shikamaru replied dryly, looking into Naruto's cheerful face and glaring at him. "You're making my life a living hell, I hope you know."

Naruto stared back with feigned innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about." Lee and Neiji snickered.

"HA! You know exactly what I'm talking about. This is all _your_ fault."

"Well...it was Sakura's idea, actually. She's always wanted to have a masquerade, and she begged me. How could I say no? You of all people should understand how that goes."

That was true. He could never willingly deny Ino anything that would make her happy. Never mind that most of the time he caved because he was too lazy to argue with her. That, and she was very dangerous when she was mad.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. You guys know me. I'm not a party person. I don't know how to socialize to save my life, and dancing..." He shuddered.

"Oh, it isn't that hard." Neiji replied, grinning. "Just don't step on anyone. That tends to get people angry, for some reason."

Shikamaru stared at him. "Have _you_ ever seen me dance?"

"Well...no, actually."

"Exactly. BECAUSE I CAN'T!"

Neiji's expression became thoughtful. "Naruto, come here."

"Eh?"

"Just come here."

The Hokage obeyed, confused. "What are we doing?"

"Showing our friend here how to dance. Now, you take the ladies' part, and I'll take the gentleman's."

"Why do _I_ have to be the girl?" Naruto protested.

"Because. Now shut up and move." Neiji began to lead the dance, and Naruto fumbled along as best he could. "Right, Naruto, right!" Neiji demanded, barking orders like a drill sergeant. "Now forward. No, not that way! Now turn...that was my foot, you moron!"

"I'M SORRY! It's not like I practice dancing like a woman every day. Why don't you try it, if you think you're so good?"

The pair continued bickering with each other as time went on, and Shikamaru watched them with growing trepidation. Instead of feeling better, he felt worse, if that was possible. "What a merry band of idiots we're all going to be," he said offhandedly to Lee, who stood next to him, watching as Naruto and Neiji began flinging insults back and forth, the dance forgotten.

Lee chuckled. "Naturally. It makes life more amusing this way."

_Amusing indeed_.


	3. There are Plots Afoot

As long as my life remains uneventful and my muse doesn't get sick of me, I think I should have a new chapter up every day...hopefully. This chapter in particular I've been really looking forward to writing. It's high time that I gave Kakashi his turn in the limelight, especially since he's my most favorite character ever... :starts gushing like the hopeless fangirl that she is: YOU ROCK MY SOCKS, KAKASHI! If only he'd get rid of that pesky mask of his...grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Anyway...I'll stop blathering on now.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3: There are Plots Afoot**

* * *

Judging from the massive amounts of moaning and groaning coming from the Hokage's assembly room, it could only mean one thing: the end-of-the- month meeting to assign missions was taking place. In the years since Naruto's ascension to the honored position of Hokage, the missions had become rather...dull, for lack of a better word. There was no longer the pressing need to be on the defense, as Orochimaru's fall and Akatsuki's destruction more or less restored order among the other prominent villages and the Leaf. Picking up the pieces in the aftermath of that dark period, now known as the Sorrowful Years, had taken time, but the people of the Leaf were not weak, banding together to heal the wounds that their village had taken, each with a powerful sense of duty and honor. That was not to say that everything was perfect; tensions between former enemies still existed, resulting in minor skirmishes here and there. Occasionally a rebellion or two would spring up near the Boarderlands, but they were always put down fairly quickly.

Naruto had grown since his fumbling days as a Gennin, watching over his flock with a sharp eye. Whenever there was even a hint of trouble brewing, he would immediately send out his spies, led by Gaara, to get to the root of the problem so it could be fixed. He was very good about listening to complaints, no matter how minor, and always tried to come up with fair solutions that would please all parties. He was particularly fond of the Academy students, especially the underdogs; this, everyone knew, was because of Naruto's own experiences as a cast out. He would always be a child at heart, however, his antics known far and wide. Practical jokes were his favorite form of amusement, often targeted towards his year mates and former sensei, Kakashi. Naruto had also developed a wicked sense of humor, one that caused him to enjoy these little meetings. He took a fiendish delight in doling out missions that included babysitting, dog walking, and, as all the shinobi of the Leaf found to be the worst, Border duty.

Leaning lazily against the podium at the front of the assembly room, Naruto smiled at the chagrined faces of his audience, preparing to drop the final bomb. "Border duty," he stated, pitching his voice to carry through the room. That got the reaction he intended, a tense silence hanging in the air. Though he already had his team chosen, Naruto made a show of scrolling through his list of names and assignments, drawing out the torture for as long as possible. When he decided that enough time had passed, he looked up, grinning. "It seems that two of you have managed to evade Border duty for at least a year. I don't think that's very fair, is it?" His grin grew wider, making him look even more fox-like than normal. "Kakashi, Gai, congratulations, gentlemen. I have the names of the Genins who'll be joining you, so see me when we're through here."

Kakashi, who had been sitting in the second row from the front next to Asuma, struggled with the urge to jump up and strangle the blonde brat who had been his student, especially when Naruto looked straight at him and winked. "I'll kill him," he muttered over and over though his mask, and Asuma was forced to hide his silent laughter behind his hand. Gai, on the other hand, was overjoyed. This would give him plenty of opportunity to torment his self-proclaimed eternal rival, and he flashed one of his trademark smiles at his protégé, Lee.

"Anyway," Naruto continued, "I have one final mission to assign, and this one applies to all of you. The masquerade, as most of you know, is coming up soon, and will be taking place at Ebony Hall. I hope to see each and every one of you there, and in costume. There is going to be a contest, so have fun with it and get creative. It's not often that we have parties around here, so we're going all out with this one. And that's all I've got for today, guys."

The meeting adjourned, the chatter started up again as the shinobi filed out of the room, a few groups lingering behind to talk together. Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai stood off to a corner, the latter trying to calm the former.

"What did I ever do to him?" Kakashi burst out, glaring in Naruto's direction with his one uncovered eye. "He _knows_ how Gai gets when he's around me! He did it on purpose. You saw him. He _winked_ at me." Kakashi folded his arms across his chest, fuming.

Asuma and Kurenai exchanged a look, both trying their hardest not to laugh. The rivalry between Kakashi and Gai had been going on since they were all children, with Gai most often being the instigator. Kakashi had a very laid back personality, and it took a lot to get him flustered. Gai seemed to have the uncanny knack of knowing exactly which buttons to push, and, if they were pushed often enough, Kakashi would be provoked into comical bouts of rage, yanking off his mask and forehead protector and getting into screaming matches with his thick-browed tormentor. Being two of his closest friends, Kurenai and Asuma had witnessed quite a few of these incidents, the memories alone enough to induce laughter. Kakashi was quite a character when he was angry.

"I'm sure Naruto had a good reason for doing what he did," Asuma replied, though he secretly agreed with Kakashi about it being done on purpose. "Don't let it get to you, Max," he said, using the nickname that he'd given Kakashi during their childhood days. "You know that bowl-head is going to do whatever he can to get a rise out of you, so ignore him. That usually ticks him off to no end."

"Easy for you to say," Kakashi grumbled.

"Just don't do anything rash in front of the Genins," Kurenai added, a wicked twinkle in her eyes. "You are supposed to be aloof and mysterious, you remember."

Kakashi let that pass. The wheels in his head had begun to turn, and he was in the beginning stages of forming a plan. Naruto had mentioned something about a contest over who could come up with the best costume. Gai seemed to have a fixation with contests, challenging Kakashi again and again to determine who out of the two of them was the most superior. He grinned wolfishly beneath his mask, having conceived the most wonderful idea.

"I'll be right back," he said to his friends, who looked at him with raised eyebrows as he headed off to find Gai. He had a wager to propose.

Meanwhile, Neiji, Lee, and Naruto were in the midst of forming their own devious plans for their socially incompetent friend, having recruited Chouji and Kiba to join in on the scheme.

"I say we get him smashed," Neiji said, point blank.

"Are you kidding me? Shikamaru's not what you'd call a big drinker," Chouji replied. He had been a part of the three man team including Shikamaru and Ino, and knew both of them better than most.

"But it's the only thing that'll work," Neiji insisted, intent on carrying out his idea. "I mean, the guy turns into a block of wood whenever he's around more than five people. So, if we just get him...happy, he'll liven up a hell of a lot more."

Even though he knew that he shouldn't, Naruto found himself liking the idea. "It's brilliant. But how'll we pull it off? He's a smart guy. If he catches on, we're screwed."

"That's easy," Neiji replied, smirking. "We'll get drunk with him. If we're all drinking, he won't be able to refuse. Trust me, it'll work." He held out his hand, palm facing down. "Who's in?"

One by one, they piled their hands on top of Neiji's, grinning at each other. Of course, Shikamaru chose that time to wander over. Breaking apart quickly, they began talking about costumes.

"What were you guys doing?" He asked suspiciously.

"Talking," Lee replied.

"About what?"

"Costumes."

"Ah." Shikamaru didn't buy that, but he knew he wasn't going to get anything else out of them at the moment.

"What say we go get some ramen? I'm starved," Chouji said, grabbing Shikamaru's arm and dragging him off. The rest of the group followed, sharing smiles, all except Naruto.

"I'll join you guys in a bit. Kakashi and Gai still need to talk to me."

"Don't wait too long, or we may eat all of it," Kiba called over his shoulder.

"You'd better not!" He spotted Kakashi and Gai then, and waved them over. "Oi! I've been looking for you guys!"

Once they had the names of their charges, Kakashi pulled Gai aside. "What do you say to settling the score once and for all?"

Gai looked at him in surprise. It was the first time that Kakashi had ever proposed a competition between them, that task usually falling to Gai. "What have you got in mind, Hatake?"

"I say you can't come up with a costume that'll be better than mine."

Gai's eyebrows began twitching, and he smiled sardonically. "With your sense of style? Don't make me laugh! That'll be easy."

Kakashi snorted. That was exactly the time of remark he wanted to hear. "I don't think you'll be singing that tune when I knock you out of the water."

Now Gai was really getting fired up. "You're on, old man. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

"Of course I do. I'm proving that I'm better than you."

"We'll see about that," Gai replied. This was going to be his chance to publicly embarrass his rival, and he was more than a little ecstatic about it.

Kakashi grinned. _Go ahead and think that, smartass_.

Asuma and Kurenai laughed uproariously when Kakashi related to them what he'd done.

"Are you seriously going to do it?" Kurenai asked.

"Hell yes, I am. He's going to wish he never chose me to be his rival after this."

Asuma looked at him pointedly. "What about the mask? There are really not that many things you can do that'll surprise anyone with it on."

Taking the edge of the mask in his fingers, Kakashi pulled, revealing the lower half of his face. "I think I can handle sacrificing my honor code for this. It'll be more than worth it to see the look on Gai's face when he loses."

Asuma's eyebrows shot skyward. Kakashi only removed his mask to eat, shower, and occasionally, to scream at Gai, but never for long periods, and never out in public. He always said that a ninja should be known not by his face, but by his deeds, but both Asuma and Kurenai knew that he concealed his face partially because he didn't like being followed around by swarms of lovesick young ladies. He wanted to be loved for his personality, not his looks.

"I think I'll need you two to help me out with my entrance," Kakashi said, grinning, but did not elaborate any further, even when his friends bombarded him with questions.

_This is going to be too much fun_.


	4. Let the Mayhem Begin!

Woo-hoo! Party time, people! Thank you all so much for reviewing...you have no idea how happy it makes me to know that people are reading this little story. I WUV YOU GUYS! So, I thought I'd warn all y'all in advance: I'm a fan of Sakura/Naruto and Hinata/Kiba so... :dodges projectiles: I SOWWY! I've always loved those pairings, just because you don't see 'em that often. But, do not despair. I never planned for any pairing, save ShikaIno, to be the focal point of this story, and I plan on keeping it that way. It's shaping up to be all about the humor now anyway... And I'm sure you may have noticed that Sasuke isn't appearing anywhere...yeah, I'm not a huge fan of his right now, and if you've been keeping up with the manga and the show, I'll bet you know why. STUPID, STUPID SASUKE! YOU'RE LETTING OROCHIMARU PLAY WITH YOU! GAH! Erm..yeah. So, in my happy little world, Sasuke has just kinda dropped off the face of the earth...which is probably a good thing, because if I even tried writing him in, I'd be vicious. Anyway...I've just babbled on for a bit too long...**

* * *

****Chapter 4: Let the Mayhem Begin! **

* * *

Ever since Naruto's announcement about the costume contest, it seemed like the only topic of conversation in all circles was the upcoming masquerade. Everywhere Shikamaru went, he could not escape the excited buzz that seemed to have settled over Konoha like a pesky rain cloud. Ino had locked herself up in the study again, apparently working on her dress, which he was not allowed to see until it was complete. Whenever she did emerge, it was usually to meet with her equally silly friends and gush about their costumes. Usually, Ino met her friends at one of their houses, but occasionally, Shikamaru would have the pleasure of being treated to the group of them clustered around his dining room table; he was always amazed at the deafening sounds that they could produce just by talking, the voices all seemingly blending together to create a discordant nightmare, jarring in his ears. He always made it a point to make himself scarce during these little get-togethers, usually to avoid the inevitable laughter that would ensue if he were to enter the room. Women, he decided, were unbearable when they were together in large numbers, and so spared himself the headaches that would inevitably follow said meetings.

However, his male counterparts were not much better; they too seemed to have nothing but the masquerade on their minds, and talked about it with about as much fervor as the girls. Shikamaru was a bit dismayed by this, figuring that at least his friends wouldn't get as gung-ho about the whole thing as Ino's, but it looked as if he were the only one who thought that this masquerade business was a recipe for disaster. Also, his friends had the air of those who are plotting something about them, always getting quiet whenever he joined in on their conversations before rapidly changing the subject to something, he knew, did not involve their plans. That made him nervous. He had no idea what they were going to do, only that it involved him in some way. Not a very comforting thought, since his friends were a loud, raucous bunch; anything they came up with was bound to be extreme, with the intent of generating as much attention as possible.  
He was particularly weary of Neiji, who, in the past, had been the instigator of many an outrageous display, having the ability to persuade his friends to follow his lead without question. On Naruto's twenty-first birthday, for example, he convinced everyone to learn Sexy no Jutsu so as to induce Naruto to nosebleed-central. Needless to say, since some of Jiraya's habits had rubbed off on the young Hokage, it worked. That party was still talked about to this day. Shikamaru resigned himself therefore, to the fact that he would have to devote energy to keeping his guard up while at the same time doing whatever he could to not make a fool of himself. That was two tasks at one time, meaning that he would actually have to exert himself. Not a pleasant thought, to be sure.

_How troublesome_, he thought as he sat observing his friends, who had progressed to acting out their visions of what Shikamaru would end up doing at the party. _Such_ _wonderful companions I have_. He sighed. _I'm in way over my head_. His thoughts were interrupted by howls of laughter as Naruto, pretending to be Shikamaru, tripped over himself while cavorting around the room with Chouji. The dark-haired Jounin put his head in his hands. If he survived this, he was going to kill all of them.

The rest of the week flew by in a wink, the day of the masquerade, Saturday, dawning bright and sunny without a cloud in sight, adding to the already cheerful atmosphere. Though the party was to be held indoors, a beautiful day was always enough to raise spirits. Shikamaru felt anything but cheerful as the day progressed, the sight outside his window only making his gloom increase. Ino was putting the finishing touches on her costume, so he couldn't complain to her. She would just end up calling him a doomsayer anyway, and so he decided to go for one of his customary strolls, hoping that the fresh air on his face would improve his mood. He stayed outside for much longer than he anticipated, having fallen asleep underneath a tree near his house, and woke to Ino's voice.

"Shika! What on _earth_ are you doing? You'll catch cold!" She kneeled in front of him with a look of concern bordering irritation on her face.

"Mmm," he mumbled groggily, unable to get his mouth to form words at that point in the waking process.

Ino tilted her head to the side, looking very much like an inquisitive bird, and a silvery peal of laugher escaped her.

"Oh _Shika_." She said, holding out her hands to him. He looked at them for a moment, not entirely sure what to do, and then reached out his own hands. Grabbing hold, Ino stood, drawing him up with her. "Trying to get yourself sick so you won't have to go, huh?" She said, worming her way underneath his arm and starting them off in the direction of the house.

"No. Not really. That tree just looked so comfortable, so I sat down...and I guess I fell asleep."

Shaking her head, Ino laughed again. "You're something else, you know that? I think that's why I love you." She kissed his cheek before shoving him through the door to the house. "Go take a shower. We need to start getting you ready."

Shikamaru's gloominess returned. It had been so nice lying there under that tree. He had almost forgotten about the party, and the costume, and everything else associated with it, but the reality was back full swing, along with the sense of doom. Ino said _we_, which translated as: "You just stand there like a good boy and let me take care of this, since you don't know how to dress or groom yourself as well as I do." _Huzzah_, he thought sarcastically as he went to do her bidding, the tiny voice in the back of his head laughing at him as he did so.

The next two hours passed in a whirlwind of activity. As soon as he stepped out of the shower, Ino began her relentless attack, going after his hair first. Because the hat required his hair to be down, she blew it dry straight, then unleashed all manner of products on it, achieving a messy, choppy sort of look that she deemed, "too sexy for words." Shikamaru just stared at her, eyebrow raised, and allowed her to do as she wished. By the time his hair was the way she wanted it, nearly one and a half hours had passed. She got out his costume next, holding her eager fingers back long enough to let him put it on before straightening, prodding and tugging until every fold was in place. Last but not least, came the horrid hat. He wrinkled his nose as she set it on his head and arranged the hair near his face, but didn't say a word. Finally, it was over, and he was ready to see the final picture.

For how long he stood scrutinizing himself before the mirror, he didn't know, but would have continued to do so in disbelief had Ino not come up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, poking her head around his side to look up at his face. "Well?"

He didn't really know what to say. The person reflected in the mirror was not plain, sensible Nara Shikamaru, but Prince Charming brought to life. _Damn. I look **good**_. "Not bad," he conceded, looking down at Ino with a crooked grin. "Not bad at all."

She let out a triumphant yell, hugging him from behind. "I knew you'd like it! Now go wait downstairs. I'll be down in a bit."

A bit turned out to be another hour, Shikamaru pacing back and forth in the corridor. It was an ironic twist of fate that he should be the one impatient to leave, but there it was. Now that he was dressed, he just wanted to get this whole thing over with. "I-I-I-n-o!" He shouted up the stairs. "What's taking you so long?" He was just about to run up and see for himself when he stopped short, his breath caught in his throat.

"Wow," he murmured, eyes wide. His wife, her hair piled elegantly on top of her head, slowly descended the stairs, smiling. She looked positively breathtaking. There were no other words to describe it. Her dress, the same hunter-green color of his tunic, was cut low and off the shoulders, coming to a V in the front. The bodice enhanced her shapely figure, hugging her curves deliciously. The sleeves were long and folded back at the ends, adorned with golden trim, and the half-gloves that she wore beneath them only covered the tops of her hands, leaving her palms and fingers exposed.

"What do you think?" She asked almost shyly.

His response was to lift her chin with a finger and kiss her ever so gently so as not to smudge her carefully applied lipstick. "Beautiful. No one will even hold a candle to you."

Ino looked at him in surprise, her eyes misty. "Really?" She asked in a tiny voice.

"Really." He held out his arm, which she took, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. "Shall we be off, my Lady?"

"Why, yes, milord." Ino replied, her face radiant. "I do believe that is a most splendid idea."

* * *

Ebony Hall was a very elegant building that stood near the center of town, complete with lavish trellises and an exquisitely worked iron fence surrounding it; the perfect place for a masquerade. When Shikamaru and Ino arrived, they could already hear the sounds of music playing and people talking. Exchanging a look, Ino's excited, Shikamaru's resigned, the pair entered through the large oak doors and stepped into another world.

The inside of the Hall resembled an archaic castle, with foam towers placed in every corner and tapestries hanging from the walls and ceiling. Suits of armor stood like guards near the entryway, and more lined the walls near the towers. Long tables and chairs with intricately carved designs on them were positioned on either side of the Hall, leaving the center open for dancing. The band was set up near the front, and brightly costumed people spun across the floor, making it all appear even more magical. Shikamaru felt Ino take his hand, and he sighed. _So it begins_, he thought, already uncomfortable being surrounded by so many people. The wooden expression that everyone knew so well made it's way to his face as Ino dragged him along, searching for friends. Shikamaru's ears picked up on a voice that he hadn't heard in a while, then.

"Come on guys! I'm the Mad Hatter. Can't you tell?" Gaara, who, along with his sister and brother had been specially invited to attend the festivities, was modeling his costume, complete with multicolored waistcoat and ridiculously large hat, for a group of people including Naruto and Sakura, both dressed as devils, and Lee, an equally colorful jester. Temari, Gaara's sister, was Lee's official date for the night, and was dressed as a maid in a tiny black dress and white frilly apron. Gaara spun amidst laughter, the waistcoat flashing, and caught sight of Ino and Shikamaru.

"Well look who showed up!" He stepped forward and, sweeping his hat off of his head, bowed theatrically. "You look simply ravishing, my dear." He said, taking Ino's hand and kissing it. He turned to Shikamaru then, eyes that used to be black rimmed from insomnia twinkling. "I'm amazed you made it out of the house, Prince Charming. We all expected Ino to have to drag you here in chains." He grinned. "Nice hat, by the way. It's _almost_ as good as mine." With that, he placed said hat back on his head, and took Ino by the hand again. "I shall rescue you from your un-animated princeling, dearest. Dance with me."

Shikamaru watched them go, eyebrow twitching. Ever since he was able to subdue the demon living inside of him, Gaara had become a very social person, sharing in the wicked sense of humor that Naruto had in abundance. Though he knew that Gaara would never try anything with Ino, it still irritated him a bit. His friends dragged him into their throng then, all of them commenting on his costume and his hair, which only embarrassed him further. Kiba and Hinata, dressed, appropriately, as a dog and a cat; Neiji and Tenten, as vampires; and Chouji, as a gangster, soon joined them. Everyone, it seemed, had something to say about Shikamaru, and his woodenness only increased as time went on. Eventually, Ino returned, and, looking at her husband with huge eyes, begged him to take her out on the floor.

"Please, Shika?"

Shikamaru started to panic. Neiji's lesson had done nothing to improve his dancing skills, but he wasn't going to be able to refuse if Ino kept looking at him like that. "I...you know I don't know how to dance," he said quietly, for only her to hear.

"It's a slow song now. It won't be hard to dance to, I promise. Just let me lead you. Everything will be fine."

Not knowing what else to do, Shikamaru gave in, trailing behind Ino like a lost puppy. His friends watched him stumble through the motions, sympathetic looks on their faces. Leaving the girls for a bit, the original plotters, now joined by Gaara, went off to discuss their scheme.

"That's terrible!" Gaara laughed when he heard the plans, related by Neiji. "Count me in."

"I knew we could depend on you," Neiji replied with aplomb, gathering everyone together in a huddle. "Okay, so, from the looks of things, the little prince is dying out there. I'm thinking once dinner starts, we kick this thing into gear." He looked at Naruto. "You got all the alcohol, right?"

"Of course," Naruto replied, grinning. "It was hiding it from Sakura that was the hard part. She's got eyes like a hawk, that girl."

"Perfect. Gaara, I think you should be the one to rope him in. You seem to be able to get under his skin pretty easily, so I'm sure you'll think of something clever."

Naruto's spymaster inclined his head. "I accept with honor, oh wise leader."

"You know it," Neiji replied without skipping a beat. "Now, remember guys, he's got to see us all drinking, or else he won't do it, got it?"

Everyone nodded, unable to keep the grins from their faces. Breaking, they returned to their wives and dates.

"What are you planning?" Sakura asked Naruto when he came to her side, both wincing as poor Shikamaru fell out of step.

"Nothing, dear."

She gave him an arch look. "Don't give me that crap, Naruto. I know you. You're up to something."

He looked sideways at her, choosing his words carefully. "Shikamaru looks very unhappy, doesn't he? We're just going to cheer him up, is all."

"Is that so?"

"Uh-huh."

Before she could reply, there was a hubbub of noise and people clustering towards the entrance of the Hall. After Kakashi had proposed his wager to Gai, word spread like wildfire throughout the village, everyone anxiously waiting to see what the elusive Jounin had up his sleeve. There were rumors that he even planned on coming without his mask, which only increased the suspense. Up until that point, neither Gai nor Kakashi had shown up, but, judging from the craziness near the doors, one thing was obvious: Kakashi and Gai had arrived.


	5. Enter Scarecrow Kakashi! And the Dread P...

There are two reasons why I decided to write this story in the first place: 1) To get Shika drunk, and 2) Kakashi, without mask, in costume, kicking Gai's ass. I've ALWAYS wanted to see Kakashi totally OWN Gai, and the only way I can see him doing that is by beating him at his own game, a.k.a. to stage something even bigger and flashier than Gai himself could ever come up with. Thus, this chapter was born. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did writing it! And, I know that what I did with Gaara seems a bit off the wall (as is this entire story) but he does have that craziness about him that I can see coming out after years of not having a normal life. I think that's why I pictured him as the Mad Hatter...

**Kakashi**: WILL you shut up and get on with it already? This is MY show, and you're hogging it!

**Sharingank**: Sorry, sorry:pulls out anime-style cheerleader fans: GO AND KICK THAT BUSHY BROWED BOWL HEAD OFF HIS HIGH HORSE! WOOOOOOOOOOT!

**Kakash**i: Don't hurt yourself.

**Sharingank**:running around in circles waving fans: KICK HIS ASSSSSS! BEAT HIM SENSELESS!

**Kakashi**:puts duct tape over crazy author's mouth and ties her to chair: Now that she's under control, sit back, relax, and get ready to be amazed.

**

* * *

****Chapter 5: Enter Scarecrow Kakashi! And the Dread Pirate Gai?  
**

* * *

Gai stood outside the large oak doors to the main ballroom of Ebony Hall, smiling to himself. Kakashi, it seemed, was running a bit late, so Gai would be able to make his grand entrance first. _And then, when the old man walks in, he'll see me in all my glory, and beg me to_ _have pity on him_. The thought of seeing his rival reduced to a groveling sycophant only made his smile grow wider. _He'll **have** to take me seriously, now_. An excited cackle escaped him, but he swallowed it, puffing out his chest and squaring his shoulders, a sneer fixed on his face. _Here goes_.

A crowd had gathered near the back of the ballroom to witness the spectacle, their breaths held in anticipation. Shikamaru could barely contain his glee at having a reason to stop dancing, and looked at Ino with raised eyebrows. Like everyone else, he had heard about the wager, and was just as anxious as the others to see what was going to come of it.

"Let's go check it out," he said, taking Ino's hand and leading her into the mass of bodies, stopping when he found their friends, all of whom had the same eager expression on their faces. When the large oak doors swung open, the crowd parted, leaving a narrow path open in the center. Taking that as his cue, Gai swaggered in, having adapted the gait suitable to a pirate. He smirked at his audience, and, being Gai, assumed a various number of poses, allowing them all ample time to admire his genius. Lee, whose idolization of his former sensei bordered on the unhealthy, stared at Gai with a look of adoration. "He's...so...cool!" He said, completely star- struck.

The costume was rather incredible, there was no denying that. Gai wore a full white shirt with a ruff at the neck, accompanied by ared-velvet vest with golden buttons. His jacket was black and flared at the waist, the cuffs folded back and secured with the same gold buttons as those on the vest. Beneath all this he wore black breeches and boots, and a sword was buckled to his side. On his head sat a black four cornered hat, and a red sash was tied around his forehead. A patch covered his right eye, and a stuffed parrot perched on his left shoulder, completing the ensemble. The rest of the crowd seemed just as enamored with the Dread Pirate Gai as Lee, pointing and whispering while Gai soaked it all up like a sponge. Lee's friends, however, saw quite a different picture, and had to muffle their snickers behind their hands. No matter how good the costume, it did not erase the fact that the one wearing was...well..._Gai_. Yes, his skill as a ninja was undisputable, but the man himself, quite frankly, was a buffoon. While his intent was to appear roguish and evil, it was quite difficult for those who had witnessed some of his antics to look at him that way.

"That's...interesting," Naruto said, looking as if he had swallowed something sour from trying to force back laughter.

"Oh yes," Sakura added gravely, eyes twinkling. "The Dread pirate, indeed."

Kakashi had since arrived while all of this had been going on, and quickly poked his head around the side of the doors to catch a glimpse of Gai.

"Well, what is he?" Kurenai asked, checking over her costume one last time.

Kakashi chortled. "A pirate," he whispered, grinning. "He's seems all proud of himself, too." He turned from the door then, surveying his friends. "Are we ready to do this, guys?"

Kurenai, Asuma, and Konohamaru, who had been recruited only the day before to narrate, responded with wicked grins.

"Then let's get'em." Kakashi replied, pent up adrenaline coursing through his veins. It felt strange not to feel the familiar fabric of his mask against his skin; it was almost...liberating...but not so much that he was about to get rid of the mask for good. _Maybe I'll leave it off for special_ _occasions_...he thought giddily as Konohamaru stepped through the doors. The show was about to begin.

"My, what a very frightening pirate," The grandson of the Third Hokage said, his voice pitching through the ballroom. All attention was momentarily diverted from Gai, and hundreds of pairs of eyes were now focused on Konohamaru. The laughter started soon after, for the seventeen- year-old's normally dark hair was now as blonde as the current Hokage's, and the whisker-like markings on Naruto's cheeks had been drawn on Konohamaru's face. To top it all off, he wore the same orange jacket and pants that Naruto favored when he was younger.

"Nice," Naruto whispered, chuckling.

Konohamaru strolled lazily to the middle of the path, turning to Gai, but speaking to the throng. "Now that you've been dazzled by his..._charms_," he paused, getting the laugh he'd intended, "I am going to captivate you all even further." He gave Gai an impish smile, and received a glare. He clucked his tongue. "Now, now, none of that," he said deprecatingly, and faced the audience. "I have a little story I'd like to tell, one that is full of mischief and magic, but I am going to need a bit more room to do it in." The spectators, understanding the implication, began moving towards the tables, leaving the entire floor free. When everyone was seated, including Gai, his face incredulous, the lights dimmed, and one main spotlight shined on Konohamaru.

"Now," he continued over awed gasps, "this story is about two _very _devious crows named Ari and Kuri." As he spoke, Asuma and Kurenai, garbed all in black, crept out of the shadows, sticking close together and laughing.

"These crows were menaces, always eating the farmer, which would be me, out of house and home." 'Ari' and 'Kuri' produced sacks and slung them over their shoulders, tip-toeing along comically with the spotlight focused on them.

"Very good find today, Ari," Kurenai said in a sly voice, opening the pack and rifling through it.

"Got the best of his crop, we did," Asuma replied, smirking.

"What was the farmer to do?" Konohamaru was back in the spotlight again. "The crows were smart, and no matter what he tried, they _always_ outwitted him."

Ari and Kuri prowled through the charmed audience then, jumping on tables, swiping plates and knives and forks and depositing them into the sacks, shouting back and forth to each other about how silly humans were.

"He thought and he thought and he thought, until finally, the most extraordinary idea came to him. 'I'll make a scarecrow!' He said. 'The most fantastical, magnificent scarecrow ever to be seen! That'll surely get rid of those crows!' And so the farmer went to his workshop and stayed there three days and three nights, until finally.." Konohamaru walked towards the doors, disappearing for a minute and then reappearing, wheeling out a wooden stake on which something concealed in shadow was stretched. "The scarecrow was born."

The light honed in on the stake, revealing Kakashi, his head bowed, seemingly asleep and snoring rather loudly. He wore a green long-sleeved tunic withlarge red buttons, the cross-stitching at the shoulders made of gold flax. The sleeves were tied at the wrists with frayed yellow rope, the same of which hung about his waist, and his hands were covered by gloves of magenta. His pants were striped white, green, and red and also frayed at the bottoms, and his soft brown shoes came to a point at the toe. Bits of straw poked out all over, and on his head was a straw hat. Around his neck was a gold collar-piece, adorned with straw at the ends.

Konohamaru tilted his head to the side, eyebrow raised. "I said, the scarecrow was born!" The snoring continued amidst laughter. Konohamaru rolled his eyes, sighing. "WAKE UP!" He roared.

"AUGH! CROW! WHERE?" Kakashi's head snapped up, and he looked around in a panic, scattering straw as he did so. A collective intake of breath ensued as Kakashi's face was finally revealed to all. Large black circles were painted around his eyes and filled in with white, all but concealing the scar left from the Sharingan. The base color of his face was gold, with black markings resembling stitching along his chin and cheeks, his nose was red, and his mouth was painted dark brown. Technically, because of the paint, it wasn't his true face, but it was close enough. Kakashi, secretly congratulating himself, honed in on Konohamaru, his eyes narrowing. "You aren't a crow," he said, turning his head to the side and mouthing, 'what's with this guy?' to the audience, who, after getting over the initial shock, were able to laugh again. Naruto and Sakura were particularly affected, this being the first time they had ever seen their former sensei without his mask.

"I had no idea he was that _hot_," Sakura whispered, unable to tear her eyes away. It seemed like most of the other ladies in the ballroom were feeling the same way, mouths open, staring hungrily. "That whole time...he looked...like..._that_..."

Nartuo chose not to reply to that.

Konohamaru spoke again, replying to Kakasi's earlier statement. "Of course I'm NOT!"

"Well what did you wake me up for? I was having such a pleasant dream-"

Konohamaru glared at the scarecrow. "_Because_, I have crows that I need you to get rid of!" He turned away from Kakashi and began pacing back and forth, at which time Kakashi stuck his tongue out at Konohamaru and started making faces, which induced more laughter. Konohamaru spun around and Kakashi smiled innocently.

"I'm only here to serve."

Konohamaru placed his hands on his hips. "Well, go on then. Do your thing."

Ari and Kuri were wreaking havoc again, tossing the plates back and forth like Frisbees, cackling.

"You see? This is what I have to put up with!"

"Kakashi's eyes went wide. "Oh my," he said. "I suppose I should do something then, shouldn't I?" He looked down at the stake, and back at Konohamaru. "You don't think you could get me down from here, do you? I can't exactly do my job when I'm stuck up here."

Grumbling, Konohamaru released the ties that held Kakashi in place, whispering in his ear quickly, "you've got this in the bag."

"I know," Kakashi replied with a tiny smile before tumbling down from the stake, sliding across the floor on his stomach. He picked himself up and shook his head, scattering more straw. The audience was howling.

Konohamaru picked up the thread of the narrator again, keeping his own laughter in check. "And so the scarecrow came up with a plan to catch the terrible crows unawares. He would sneak up behind them, ever so quietly, and scare them so horribly that they would never come back."

"OOOO!" Kakashi burst out, looking at Konohamaru expectantly. "What did he do? Tell me, tell me!"

Konohamaru stared blankly, his eyebrow twitching. "_You_ are the scarecrow, baka."

"Oh, right."

Slapping his forehead and sighing tragically, Konohamaru continued. "The next day, the crows carried about their business, completely oblivious to the farmer's new weapon..."

The crows Ari and Kuri returned to the floor then as the scene changed, and they huddled together in a corner to examine their plunder.

"Humans use the strangest things," Ari said, holding up a fork and turning it over in his feathered hands. "I don't get it."

"Maybe you eat it?" Kuri said, taking the fork and clamping down on it. "Ouch! That hurt!" She tossed the fork aside angrily, cawing at it.

Meanwhile, Kakashi the Scarecrow, as silent as a ghost, began advancing upon the unsuspecting crows, his smile evil as he got closer and closer. Kneeling, Kakashi poked his head in between the crows.

"BOO!" He cried, and the crows jumped, tossing their sacks in fright. They held on to each other, shuddering, as the scarecrow towered over them, his arms crossed over his chest. "I do say, you two have been very, very naughty. I think I shall have to punish you."

"NO!" The crows yelped together.

"We'll leave!" Said Ari.

"We won't come back, ever!" Said Kuri.

"Don't punish us!" They said, inching away from the scarecrow.

"And the scarecrow pondered that," Konohamaru said as Kakashi held his chin and scratched his head through his hat. "and he decided to show the crows mercy. They hadn't done anything to him, and so he saw no real reason to punish them."

"I'll let you go this time," he said, "but if you do come back, I won't be so nice."

"So the crows flew off, keeping good on their word. They never bothered the farmer again, all thanks to the scarecrow." Konohamaru finished, grinning.

The lights came up, and the crowd remained silent for all of two seconds before bursting into applause, cheering and whistling. Asuma, Kurenai, and Konohamaru bowed, the cheering growing louder. Stepping aside, they allowed Kakashi to come forward, and, removing his hat, he bowed, receiving the longest and loudest cheers. Gai could only stare, completely and utterly defeated. He had never expected something like this to come from _Kakashi_, not even in a million years! _This was supposed to be my victory! How in the hell did this happen? He...he...**outclassed** me! Me!  
_  
His thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. "Well, have you got anything to say to me, pirate?" Kakashi asked, smirking.

Gai wanted nothing more than to punch his rival right in that pretty-boy face of his, but he showed an astonishing amount of self-control. "Not bad, Hatake." He forced out through clenched teeth.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "I'll take that as your way of saying that I win."

Gai's mouth opened and closed several times, but nothing came out. Kakashi had already moved on anyway to sit with Naruto and the gang, who were all praising the Jounin in loud, raucous voices. It was clear who had won the wager, even if the loser would never admit it.

* * *

**Kakashi**: I rock. No question about it.

**Sharingank**:jelly on floor: YES YOU DO! BWAH-HA-HA-HA!

**Gai:** That was EMBARRASSING! You didn't have to be that cruel, you know.

**Sharingank**:innocently: Who? Me?

**Gai**: You're...so...evil...

**Kakashi:** You're just jealous that she has taste. She knows that I am clearly the best. And that you suck.

**Gai**:glaring with fire in eyes:

**Sharingank**: Uh, guys...guys? Oh dear. Look what I started...

**Announcer**: And in the next exciting episode, even more craziness will ensue! It's dinner time, which means DRINKING! Better look out, Shika! Join us next time, for Chapter 6, **Was This Supposed to be a Drinking Contest?  
**  
BWAH-HA-HA-HA! I'm not crazy, really. No, seriously. I mean it. I'M NOT CRAZY!


	6. Was this Supposed to be a Drinking Conte...

**Gai:** So, you have decided to venture back into the strange and mystical world of Sharingank's mind, have you? Brave, brave souls...

**Sharingank:** :vein pulsates in forehead: Just say some more. Go ahead.

**Gai:** Just stating the facts, that's all.

**Sharingank**:pulls out steel-tipped boxing gloves: Do you wanna go? This is MY STORY! MINE! NOT YOURS! Do you want me to put you in a pink ballerina costume? I can rewrite everything...change the title of the story...make your defeat even more humiliating...

**Gai:** ...SO! This next chapter is going to be exciting:sweatdrops:

**Kakashi:** :snickering: Baka

**Gai:** :glares: Geezer

**Kakashi:** Pansy

**Sharingank:** Woah. Guys, come on. Don't start this again. It's time to see Shikamaru get drunk! Won't that be fun:grins evilly:

**Shikamaru:** Oh dear lord...

**

* * *

****Chapter 6: Was This Supposed to be a Drinking Contest?  
**

* * *

Whenever Naruto set out to do something, it was always bound to be big. He completely immersed himself in the task at hand, often giving more than was required. The masquerade was proving to be no different. When it was time for dinner to be served, curtains near the front of the ballroom were lifted, revealing one long, polished oak table laden with all manner of delicacies, each arranged beautifully on exquisite porcelain serving dishes. Even more spectacular was the ice sculpture fountain that served as the centerpiece of the table. Shaped like the symbol of the Leaf Village, it was a true masterpiece of craftsmanship, the ice sparkling pink and blue against the steady flow of water that spouted from a special tap built into the sculpture from beneath. Naruto had commissioned the sculpture from a friend of Sakura's who was skilled at carving, and he was not disappointed. As people began forming a line near the table, commenting on Naruto's artistic genius with the decorating, the Hokage could not help but feel incredibly proud of himself. Sakura had wanted a party that would rival those in fairytales, so he went to great lengths to give her one. Kakashi's grand entrance had only increased the fantasy-like atmosphere, delighting the guests and creating quite a stir among the female population of the Leaf, most of whom could not keep their eyes off of the tall Jounin. He merely brushed the attention aside and focused on enjoying the evening with his friends.

Gai, in order to make up for his defeat, decided to retaliate by telling stories of his and Kakashi's childhood to the people, including Lee, who were sitting at his table. Most of the stories, not surprisingly, put particular emphasis on Kakashi's losses and Gai's wins. At his own table nearby, Kakashi did his best to tune out the sound of Gai's voice, but every time he lost focus it would break through, somehow magnified in his ears. Everyone else at the table seemed unable to hold a conversation long enough before curiosity won out, their voices tapering off as Gai's tales became more and more outrageous. Finally, Naruto decided to take the initiative and asked the question that was on everyone's mind.

"So, how exactly did this rivalry come about between you two?" He said casually, masking the burning curiosity that he felt.

"Eh?" Kakashi, who had been listening to Gai's warped account of one of their games of rock/paper/scissors, turned his head in Naruto's direction and found twelve pairs of eyes staring at him expectantly. "Er, sorry. What did you say?"

Naruto repeated the question, and everyone at the table leaned forward, waiting for Kakashi's reply. Kakashi mulled it over in his head, trying to decide whether or not he wanted to indulge aspects of his past. Whether it was from the absence of his mask or some other unknown factor, he determined that he was feeling open today. Asuma and Kurenai exchanged a look that made them appear even more crowish than their costumes. Kakashi was very expressive on the rare occasions that he told stories, liking to speak with his hands, which always proved amusing.

"Well, let's see," he said, drumming the gloved fingers of one hand on the table while spearing a piece of potato on his fork with the other. He popped the potato in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "It started at the Academy, wouldn't you say?" He said, looking to Asuma, who nodded, grinning.

"That rascal had it in for you the minute you saw each other." He laughed.

An absent smile made its way to Kakashi's face as his childhood came rushing back. "I remember one day when we were learning about hand seals, he sat right behind me and kept throwing wads of paper at my head. He was always trying to provoke me, just because I never got mad, and that ticked him off. I think that day was the first time I ever really lost my temper." Both he and Asuma burst into laughter at the memory. Kurenai had attended Academy a bit later than the other two, so this story was as new to her as it was to Naruto and the gang.

"What did you _do_?" She asked.

Kakashi's answering grin was wolfish. "I said, point blank, that if he did it again, I'd turn around and punch him in the face."

"Oh no," Sakura said, closing her eyes and giggling. She had a feeling she knew where this was going. "He did it again, didn't he?"

Kakashi nodded. "He thought I was just joking around, so he kept doing it. He stopped after I clocked him though. I got in huge trouble for that one," he said amidst laughter, both his own and his audience's. "And I think that's what started the entire rivalry thing. Gai became obsessed with beating me from that point on because I made him look stupid in front of our classmates. I never took it seriously until today, actually, even when he trained for years to defeat my Sharingan." He shrugged. "Ah well. He's got spirit, which counts for something, I guess." He said as Gai's voice rose in a bad imitation of Kakashi. "_Very_...spirited."

Everyone laughed, and then started in on their dinners, one mystery surrounding Hatake Kakashi finally solved. About halfway through the meal, Anko, dressed in a stunning white gown adorned with tiny crystals, a white half-mask covering her eyes, made her way to the table, a determined look on her face. Lively swing-music began playing in the background, and couples started heading to the floor.

"I want to dance, and I need a partner." Anko said to Kakashi, grabbing his hand and towing him from the table, receiving glares from the various ladies who had been heading in Kakashi's direction for that very purpose. Kakashi looked back over his shoulder at his friends with raised eyebrows before he allowed himself to be pulled along, raising no objections. Asuma and Kurenai joined them soon after, leaving Naruto and his year-mates to their own devices.

Up until this point Shikamaru had been fine, completely content to sit and listen to the chatter of others as he ate, especially since the attention was not on him. He could have happily remained in the background the rest of the night, but, of course, fate dealt him a different hand. The conversation began innocently enough, with the rather basic inquiries into romantic relationships, but it soon shifted to one relationship in particular, that of Shikamaru and Ino. Immediately, Shikamaru began growing uncomfortable. Usually he would leave at a time like this and allow the gossip and giggling to continue without him, but he was now in a situation where that was not an option. If he even tried to go somewhere else, Ino would be on him faster than he could blink, and he didn't really care for the idea of being scolded right now. So he stayed put, though it was difficult to resist the urge to hide underneath the table. The only thing that stopped him was the tiny sense of dignity that Ino hadn't managed to bruise. That, and his friends, who were evilly tossing in their own questions about Shikamaru's marriage, would never let him hear the end of it. When the talk switched to bedroom activities, however, he just about dropped dead.

"Oh, you'd never guess it," Ino began impishly in response to a rather pointed question, "especially being the lazy bum that he is." She gave Shikamaru a look full of mischief, and continued. "But his stamina is _amazing_."

At that, the girls dissolved into fits of giggling, and the guys hooted and hollered, slapping Shikamaru, whose face now resembled a ripe tomato, on the back. _Oh...my...lord..._ He sank into his chair, the picture of misery. _They have no mercy. None of them. _

"So you're a _tiger_, eh?" Chouji said, nudging him in the ribs and waggling his eyebrows. Shikamaru blinked, then made a small choking noise in his throat before letting his head fall to the table with a thump. This night had just taken a sharp turn for the worst. He could hear his friends laughing uproariously, the sound interlaced with the girls' giggles and naughty whispering. He was so distraught that he didn't even realize his friends had left the table until Gaara poked him on the shoulder. He lifted his head, glaring at the red-haired Sand-nin.

"I don't want to hear it, Gaara. Not one single word." Shikamaru said flatly.

"Ah," Gaara replied. "In one of those moods, I see."

"Shut up."

"That's hardly a way to speak to a friend, now is it?"

"Gaara, seriously. If you're just going to patronize me, then go bug someone else."

"Oh bother," Gaara said, heaving an exaggerated sigh. "I suppose I'll just get to the point then. Do you see that nice little corner over there?" He motioned with his head to the left, and Shikamaru, his eyes shifting in that direction, noticed a small, unobtrusive table set up there that he didn't remember seeing before.

"Yes," he slowly replied.

"I'm _so_ glad." He grinned, and Shikamaru's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Come along then. You look like you could use a lift."

"What are you talking about?"

"A drink, Shikamaru. Honestly. You can be so dense sometimes."

Shikamaru let that pass. "I'm not really much of a drinker. Thanks anyway, though."

Gaara knew exactly what to do to change that. Making his eyes wide, he said in a deprecatingly childish voice, "What? Is ickle Shikamawu afwaid of a widdle dwinkie?"

Shikamaru's eyebrow began to twitch, and his mouth opened, but no sound came out. "_Excuse me_?" He finally managed to croak.

"Oh well. I guess I'll just have to tell the others that you preferred to sit and chit- chat with the ladies instead of joining us." With a swirl of his waistcoat, he turned his back on Shikamaru and began to walk away, silently counting down in his head. "Three, two, one..."

"Wait just a second, you eyebrow-less freak!"

"And there it is," Gaara said to himself, smiling. He glanced over his shoulder. "Yes?"

Shikamaru stalked over to the Sand-nin, fuming, that small sense of dignity bruised. "_Did you just call me a woman?"  
_  
"I suppose you could say that."

The dark haired Jounin stared, a wild look in his eyes. Without another word, he marched over to the table, Gaara close behind him, and slammed his fist on the surface. "So, you all think that I'm a little pansy- ass who can't handle my drink, do you?"

Naruto, Chouji, Kiba, Neiji, and Lee all stared in wonder at the sudden flare of temper in their normally stoic friend. Obviously, whatever Gaara did had worked.

"I don't know where you came up with an idea like that," Neiji replied innocently.

Shikamaru grabbed a shot glass and held it out. "Fill it!" He demanded, and Neiji complied, looking at Gaara with raised brows. He only smiled and shrugged.

Meanwhile Shikamaru downed the contents of the glass, shaking his head and blinking furiously. When he got over the burning sensation in his throat, he realized that he actually liked the stuff. "What was that?"

"Vodka." Kiba replied, taking a shot of it himself. "Good shit, eh?"

A maniacal grin made its way to Shikamaru's face, and he leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of the table. "_Very_ good shit." His eyes shifted from one face to the next, his grin growing wider. "I'm going to out drink every last one of you morons. Especially you," he said menacingly to Gaara, who smirked back at him.

"I'd like to see you _try_, little man."

Ino looked suspiciously in the direction that Shikamaru went storming off to, not entirely sure if she should be concerned or not. She thought about it for about for a bit longer before deciding that he was old enough now to take care of himself without her fussing over him. He would just get embarrassed if she were to go over there and check on him, anyway, so she allowed herself to fall back into the gossip with her girlfriends.

_He'll be fine_.

**

* * *

**

**Sharingank:** DUM DE DUM DUM! What's going to happen next:evil laughter:

**Shikamaru:** Why do you feel the need to do this to me? I've never done anything to you!

**Sharingank:** But this is fun! Don't you think this is fun?

**Shikamaru:** NO

**Sharingank:** Oh hush. Yes you do. Listen to that inner voice. "You are having fun!" it says.

**Shikamaru:** You're deranged, woman. That's all I have to say


	7. Yes, Loyal Subjects, The Prince Shall No...

So, here is Chapter 7...only one more chapter to go! Kinda weird...:sniffles: Oh well. Thank y'all so much for reviewing! Please continue! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE REVIEWS! They make me feel good! And I am kind of down right now, so they'll be appreciated muchly. Oh, and thank you, Aki no Tenshi, for pointing out that I've been spelling Neji wrong... :bows head in embarrassment: I've read all the manga and seen all the episodes of the show that are out, yet I spell Neji wrong...stupid.

**

* * *

****Chapter 7: Yes, Loyal Subjects, the Prince Shall now Serenade You **

* * *

There was quite a commotion coming from the small table in the corner, a group of very loud, and very drunk, young men clustered about it chanting at the top of their lungs as the Mad Hatter and the fairytale Prince squared off against each other. Myriad shot glasses were strewn about the table, all upside down on the surface, and still more were joining them. The Prince and the Mad Hatter had since bested all of their friends, and the competition was left to the two of them to complete. Of course, all the noise attracted attention, those not already engaged on the dance floor forming a circle around the table, shielding the boys from view of their wives, who by now had realized that something was up.

"I knew he was planning something!" Tenten spat, in reference to Neji. "He _always_ acts strange whenever he's got something up his sleeve, but I didn't do anything about it."

Sakura sat at their table, rubbing her temples. She didn't care enough to break through the throng gathered in the corner, knowing quite well what she would find there. "He was smuggling alcohol right underneath my nose. The whole time. They're all idiots." She said, to sounded agreement from the others, particularly Ino. Her head was propped against one hand, the fingers of the other drumming dangerously against the surface of the table.

"Shikamaru _never_ drinks, and there's a good reason for it, too. He's what you'd call a silly drunk, and he does things that would send him to the grave if he even thought of doing them sober. I don't even want to think about the chaos he's going to get himself into with all these people here..." She couldn't even finish the thought.

"That only means you'll have something to torment him with when all's said and done, doesn't it?" Hinata, who hadn't spoken much until then, added slyly. "If Shikamaru is anything like Kiba, he's going to wake up tomorrow feeling _awful_. Since they decided to make asses of themselves here, it's only fair that we should be able to make them regret it all the more tomorrow." She grinned. Temari, who had joined them earlier, started snickering.

"Well said," she replied, a wicked smile on her face. "It's too late to stop them now, anyway. We may as well enjoy this. It should prove to be ridiculously amusing."

Temari's reflection proved to be correct on many levels, as all who were present at the masquerade would soon discover. The chanting grew ever louder in the corner as Shikamaru, who already had fifteen empty glasses before him, was about to try adding another to the ranks. His eyes were becoming unfocused, and he had to shake his head and blink repeatedly to zero in on the glass that he held in his hand. If he was going to defeat Gaara, he needed to polish off this glass and hope that the Sand-nin, who had the same number of empty glasses before him, wouldn't be able to go on after him.

"GO! GO! GO! GO!"

The chanting echoed strangely through his head, fading in and out at irregular intervals, making him even giddier than he already was. His brain made the connection between the glass and his mouth after a few more seconds of staring at it, and, throwing his head back, he poured the contents down his throat before slamming the glass on the table. "Beat that, beotch!"

Wild cheers erupted, and Shikamaru felt the urge to laugh, so he did, almost toppling over in his chair. It was now up to Gaara to decide who would be the victor; if he was able to drink another glass, they would be tied, but if he failed, the title of Drinker Extraordinaire would go to Shikamaru. Of course, Gaara was not about to let that happen, no sir! Taking up his glass, he raised it in a sort of mocking toast and drank. There was another wild round of cheering, Shikamaru and Gaara both doing what could be described as giggling.

"Whaddaya say to a draw, partner?" Gaara said, plopping his elbow in the middle of the mess of glasses and waving his hand about.

"Well that's jus' swell. I think," Shikamaru replied, reaching out his own hand to clasp Gaara's. They both started laughing uncontrollably then, pounding on the table, tears streaming out of their eyes.

"That's so touching," Naruto said to Kiba, who was straddling a chair next to him.

"Oh, totally," He put his hand over his heart. "Just makes me wanna cry, or something." Looking up at the Hokage, their eyes met, and they too lost control and started laughing.

"Everything is so funny today, isn't it?" Shikamaru managed when he could breathe. "Like my hat. Isn't my hat just the best—the bestest? Ino got it for me." He said very matter-of-factly, taking the hat off of his head and admiring it. "She's very talented at picking things out."

"She _is_ isn't she?" Gaara nodded, grinning drunkenly. "That is indeed the bestest hat I have ever seen."

"Thank you," Shikamaru replied, putting the hat back on his head.

"I think I'd like to dance," Gaara said suddenly. "Let's go dance. That's what we're here for, right?"

Somewhere in his head, Shikamaru knew that he didn't like the word dance, but he couldn't seem to remember why. All the pretty people on the floor seemed to be enjoying it very much. So why shouldn't he? Gaara was right! They were at a party, and people dance at parties! It all made perfect sense. Jumping up from the table, Shikamaru linked his arm through Gaara's and they both let out a whoop, sashaying through the crowd of people around them and heading inexplicably for the dance floor and whatever wonders awaited them there.

Neji watched them go, a lopsided grin on his face. "Well, guys, I'm a genius," he said, picking up a bottle of Vodka and taking a swig. Though he was considerably drunk, he was far better off than Shikamaru and Gaara. Or even Naruto, for that matter. The Hokage, it seemed, was more than a little tipsy, and looked as if he were about to join the Gallivanting Duo. Actually, the idea wasn't all that bad. Not bad at all. The five remaining plotters exchanged looks, all thinking the same thing. Neji put the bottle down, chucking his fists in the air. "What're we waiting for? Let's rip this joint UP!"

Meanwhile, Shikamaru and Gaara had practically reached the floor, when Shikamaru caught sight of Ino, still sitting with the cluster of girls. She looked very pretty in that dress, and he was feeling remarkably princely at the moment. He flashed Gaara a sly grin. "They look so lonely over there, don't they? Why don't we change that?"

"Most excellent idea, Princeling. Tally-ho!"

Veering off course for just a moment, Gaara and Shikamaru made their way over to the ladies, who all seemed to be afflicted with a severe case of staring syndrome. In his condition, however, Shikamaru was quite open to the attention. A little voice in the back of his head was trying to tell him that he did not like being scrutinized, but he paid no attention to it. How silly! Instead, he grabbed Ino's hand and pulled her very close, as a rosy blush made its way to her cheeks. Her husband would never would do something like this sober, ever.

"Come, dear heart. Shall we dance?"

Ino stared at him, her jaw going slack. Oh yes, very bad case of staring syndrome. Before she could think to respond, Shikamaru was leading her to the center of the dance floor. Gaara had accosted his sister at the same time, and the two siblings began a lively dance that was part flamenco, part waltz, and part random swing moves. Before long, Neiji, Naruto, Choji, Lee, and Kiba joined them with the rest of the girls. Ino was too engrossed in what Shikamaru was doing to her to notice, however. She could only hang on as he led her, executing the spins, dips, and twirls that had him stumbling earlier with ease. At one point, he dipped her low and kissed her, a long, lingering kiss that made her lightheaded. _I was wrong. He's a Casanova when he's drunk_, she thought absently as he pulled her upright, holding her even closer than before. The music faded out then, and he released her with one last kiss. Dazed, she could only watch as Gaara returned, slinging an arm around Shikamaru's shoulders. The two conversed briefly, their voices giving way to more laughter. In the blink of an eye, they were gone.

Ino could not quite believe what she was seeing; everything seemed to be moving in slow-motion. Her friends all stood around her, pointing, exchanging wide-eyed looks, chortling. There, at the front of the Hall, Gaara and Shikamaru were doing something that no one would ever have expected them to do, drunk or sober: they were singing. Or, at least, they were trying. The sounds that came out of their mouths more resembled nails on a chalkboard than anything, but no one else in the Hall seemed to mind. Naruto even ran up and joined them, a move that was accompanied by laughter and cheering.

"SING IT!" Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai shouted together, completely in hysterics over the display.

Sakura covered her face with her hand, shaking her head. "They shouldn't be encouraging them." She said, exasperated.

For some reason, that statement sent Ino over the edge. Unable to hold back any longer, she laughed so hard that her breath came in choking gasps, and her stomach cramped. Seeing her, Sakura had no choice but to break down as well, and the two of them joined in on the cheering. There was really no reason not to. _Besides_, Ino thought wickedly, _how often do Shika, Naruto,_ _and Gaara get drunk and sing anyway? This is absolutely priceless_.

Shikamaru was having a blast. He'd never actually sung before, but it was quite an experience. Gaara and Naruto seemed to be enjoying it, too. Not to mention their captive audience. The voice in Shikamaru's head raised some major objections to his current endeavor, but he told it to shut up. He wanted to sing, so he was going to sing!

And so the Prince, along with his cohorts the Mad Hatter and the Devil, proceeded to ignore reason and sang their hearts out. Afterwards, he did not really remember much, save cavorting about arm-in-arm with Gaara and Naruto and getting even drunker, if that was possible. The costume contest was long forgotten, since Naruto was in no condition to judge, although everyone agreed that Kakashi would have won hands down. All in all, the night was most eventful, and would surely be talked about for years to come. Or, more specifically, the drunken exploits of a certain Jounin and his companions...

* * *

I'll be wrapping things up in the next chapter, which happens to be the last...kind of sad...this has been a blast to write. Again, thank you all so much for reading:hugs: 


	8. Welcome Passengers, to the Hangover Expr...

Well, here it is...the final chapter. Thanks so much for the reviews! They've been encouraging! I'm glad that I've finally got some closure on this...normally I have a really bad habit of not being able to finish stories...but not this time! I'm working on a story about Kakashi's past right now called Lionheart, so check it out:grins: I love you guys!

**

* * *

****Chapter 8: Welcome Passengers, to the Hangover Express **

* * *

The next day dawned as bright and sunny as the last, with the leaves falling, the birds twittering. From the looks of things, it was shaping up to be a beautiful day...well...for some people, at least. Ino in particular appreciated nature today more than usual, as she had the urge to fling open the curtains covering her bedroom window and let the sun shine in. That would bring the other occupant of her bed into wakefulness for sure. She grinned, remembering how she, along with Asuma and Kurenai, had had to support an intoxicated Shikamaru all the way home, since his motor skills were virtually out of service. Once there, he fell into bed and was asleep by the time his head hit the pillow, leaving Ino to get his costume off of him. Now, it was nearly eleven o'clock, and he still showed no signs of waking. She looked over at him, a lump underneath a mass of blankets and the comforter, and decided that the window did indeed need to be opened. _Shika loves sunshine_, Ino thought wickedly, _he'd be crushed if he missed it by_ _sleeping all day_. Padding across the carpeted floor on bare feet, she went to the window and parted the curtains, the beam of light that greeted her seeming to target Shikamaru, who groaned.

"Time to wake up, sleepyhead!" Ino said, her voice far too cheerful than was necessary. She plopped herself on the bed, right on top of Shikamaru, and started prying the covers away from his face. "Look at how pretty it is outside!"

Shikamaru groaned again. He couldn't give a whit what the weather was outside, only that the incessant beam of light was too bright for comfort. He already wanted to blow his head off as it was, to be rid of the dizziness that made the room spin even while lying down, and the splitting pain that accompanied it whenever he opened his eyes. The light was not helping matters, and neither was Ino's demonic insistence that he get up. She was doing it on purpose, there was no denying that.

"Ino," he croaked, "please go away. I'm trying to die."

Ino giggled. "Oh, I don't think you'll die. You might wish you could, but a hangover isn't going to kill you." She got the covers off, and grinned at him as his face became visible. His eyes cracked open a bit, and pain assaulted him. He grimaced.

"I'll pretend then," he said, slapping his hand over his eyes.

Ino was not relenting. "You _delighted_ everyone with your singing last night," she complemented him brightly. "I didn't think that some of the notes you hit even existed."

Shikamaru's face paled. He could vaguely remember running to the front of the Hall with Gaara, but everything beyond that point was a fuzzy haze. "Oh good lord," he muttered, his hand still covering his eyes. He didn't even want to think about the abuse he was going to receive from his fellow shinobi. _That was the plan_, he realized as he thought to himself, _to get me drunk. And I fell for it. All because of that Sand idiot.  
_  
"I'm sure you'll be the talk of the village for weeks," Ino said, still not budging from her current position atop him. She was enjoying this little torture session more than she probably should, but at that rate, she didn't really care. He brought it on himself, after all.

"No more," Shikamaru begged, miserable. "Please, Ino. I know what I did was stupid. I admit it, okay? You can make fun of me all you want some other time, just not now."

That seemed to do the trick. He looked so pathetic that Ino didn't have the heart to keep going. Instead she smoothed his hair away from his forehead and kissed it, smiling. "Fair enough. You'll get more than your share of teasing from everyone else, anyway."

He moaned. "Don't remind me."

"You should probably get up and move around a bit later on," Ino said as she moved off of him, heading to the bathroom, but she paused before she reached the door. "Why don't you take a shower with me? The water will make you feel better." Shikamaru stared. There had to be a catch somewhere. He knew Ino. She was being far too nice all of a sudden. "I'll even wash you myself," she added.

"Who are you, and what have you done with my wife?"

Ino laughed and came back over to the bed, kneeling on the floor beside him. "You went to the party with me. I know that was an ordeal all on its own." Her fingers strayed to his face, and she smiled, all of the love that she felt for him reflected in her eyes. "I figure it's about time I do something nice for you, since you do so much for me as it is. I'm a very lucky girl to have you."

Shikamaru made a show of being the stoic, unemotional male on the outside, but on the inside, he was melting. Ino had the ability to turn him into a pile of mush just by looking at him a certain way, and that, coupled with her words, made him fall in love with her all over again. _I really am my father_, he thought as he allowed her to help him up and out of bed. It wasn't pleasant to stand, since his dizziness set the room spinning, but Ino held him up.

"You're so cute," she said in a babying voice, and giggled. Shikamaru shot her a sideways glance, eyebrow raised, but said nothing for fear of throwing up. He was positive that she wouldn't think he was cute if he ended up emptying his stomach on her. The shower did help ease the nausea, Ino's rhythmic caresses doing wonders. It was a wasted situation, however, since he wasn't feeling well enough to make the most of their close contact, a fact that made him more than a little irritated. And while Ino had given up on verbal torture, physical torment was still fair game. Her lithe, soapy hands lingered on the more sensitive parts of his body, sending waves of sensation shuddering through his frame. He nearly jumped when she moved lower, his eyes going wide.

"Ino! That...isn't...fair," he rallied enough to say through clenched teeth. On top of fighting off the urge to be sick, he had to combat his desire to spin around and pin his little blonde vixen of a wife against the wall and make her sorry for what she was doing to him. Of course, Ino continued her ministrations as if she hadn't heard his protests, knowing full well that her husband was not in any condition to retaliate.

"You won't be getting drunk again any time soon, now will you?" She whispered devilishly in his ear as her hand closed around the more prominent portion of his anatomy, Shikamaru reacting by drawing in a sharp breath.

"No," he gasped. "Definitley..." Ino's hand tightened, "not."

"That's what I thought," Ino replied, and released him, grinning. This time Shikamaru did turn around.

"You can't just leave it like that!" He protested, pointing to himself. "Do you have any idea how cruel that is?"

Ino stared at him innocently. "I thought that you were sick," she said, trying very hard not to laugh.

"It'll hurt more than my head if I just let it go," he burst out, exasperated. "Finish what you started!"

The battle lost, Ino laughed, closing the scant distance between them and wrapping her wet little arms around Shikamaru's neck. "Fine," she said, and kissed his pouting lips. "If you think you can handle it."

By the sounds that issued from the shower, it was obvious that Shikamaru could in fact handle it, and much more besides.

* * *

A few days later when the new missions began, Shikamaru was unable to escape the barrage of teasing that seemed to follow him around wherever he went. He endured it almost happily, however, grateful that he was not in Gaara's shoes. The red-haired Sand-nin received the most abuse out of any of them, especially from his spies. The rest of the gang was also subject to teasing, but none of them seemed particularly upset about it.

"It was worth it," Naruto claimed when asked. "I had a great time, even if I did make a fool of myself. I'm used to doing that, anyway."

Gai, however, was still a bit sore about his loss, fixing his rival with scathing looks while the two served Border duty with the Genins assigned to them. Kakashi, as usual, lounged on the grass with his book and paid no attention, glancing up every now and then to scan the surrounding area and make sure that nothing was happening. Finally Gai couldn't take any more of the silence.

"Just say it. I know that you want to." He spat.

Kakashi, his face still in his book, was unphased. "Say what, exactly?"

Gai's eyebrow twitched. Even now, Kakashi wasn't taking him seriously. "That you're better than me!"

"Come on, Gai. You know that isn't my style." Kakashi replied, turning the page. "We already established that I won, so why should I rub it in?"

It was true. Kakashi never bragged about his victories, preferring to keep his emotions to himself. Gai did not know what to say, and felt foolish for even bringing it up to begin with. "We're still rivals, Hatake," he said, diverting the subject away from his folly. "That'll never change, so don't go thinking that you can let your guard down."

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask. "Not until I'm six feet under," he said, looking over at Gai briefly before returning to his book. Gai could not hold back his own smile, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"That's the way it should be."

* * *

FINISHED! WAHOOOO:dancing like a monkey: YAY! Again, thank you guys so much for reading! You all rock! 


End file.
